What kind of last-minute Christmas gift can you get for the liberal who has everything except for an incoming president they’re happy about?
Not to worry, I’m here to help. While technically all we liberals want for Christmas is to never hear the word “Trump” ever, ever again, we recognize that’s a gift even Santa can’t give.
Instead, I offer the following list of ideal gifts for the liberals you love or at least tolerate briefly at family gatherings.
Time to re-up ‘The Resistance’
Throughout Donald Trump’s first presidency, we liberals loved claiming we were part of a resistance movement that didn’t technically exist. It was part of how we coped.
Well, now that the MAGA king is somehow coming back, every Democrat on your shopping list will surely love a new “Resist!” T-shirt that won’t accomplish anything to replace the old “Resist!” T-shirt that didn’t accomplish anything. Second time’s a charm?
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What liberal wouldn’t love a safe place to vent?
A truly thoughtful gift for the liberal loved one who you know will spend the next four years in a perpetual state of outrage is a prefabricated Screaming Shed.
Soundproof and made of 100% recycled hemp board, the Screaming Shed is a perfect backyard space for a person to release their Trump-fueled angst.
Say Trump fabricates a story about something not being his fault when the thing was absolutely, unequivocally his fault. Upon hearing this news, a liberal can calmly walk away from the television or laptop, stroll to the backyard, enter the shed, and then discreetly emit a five-minute primal scream without bothering a soul.
They might as well make some money off the Trump supporters
Most liberals, at some point, have heard Trump supporters joke about having a mug full of liberal tears. It’s hilarious, as long as you don’t understand humor.
Since there’s nothing Democrats can do about Trump returning to the White House, they might as well find a way to make some money off his frequently fleeced supporters. That’s why the At-Home Tear Distillery is one of this year’s must-have Christmas gifts.
In just a few simple steps, you can use your sadness to craft artisanal liberal-tear gin, which can be bottled and sold to upper-crust Trump supporters.
Make sure everyone can hear your hypocrisy
Every liberal who didn’t vote should find a Hypocrite-Podcast Starter Kit under the tree. It comes with all the equipment you need to broadcast your complaints about how terrible everything is under Trump while also defending your decision to “sit this one out” as a principled stand meant to teach the Democratic Party a lesson.
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The kit comes with an app that allows you to connect to other self-righteous Democrats who helped Trump get elected by thinking that their abstention was more important than the people who will now actually suffer. You can all have a great time listening to each others’ shows.
A way to communicate with Trump supporters as 2025 unfolds
One thing every Democrat on your shopping list will want is a large bullhorn they can use to shout “I TOLD YOU SO!” at Trump supporters throughout 2025.
Say, for example, Trump does away with Obamacare, robbing many of his own fans of their health care. Any self-respecting liberal is going to want a large amplification device they can use to really get in the face of a health care-less Trump voter and holler, “WE LITERALLY TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN!”
When Trump’s tariffs cause prices to soar, a simple smirk won’t do. No, your Democratic relative is going to want to pull that bullhorn out in the Walmart parking lot and bellow, “WERE YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION WHEN WE SAID THIS WOULD HAPPEN?”
A way to protect the planet while disposing of Kamala Harris merch
Many liberals find themselves stuck with a slew of Harris/Walz campaign merchandise, the very presence of which makes them sad or eager to race to their Screaming Shed.
So what better holiday gift than an environmentally friendly waste-to-compost incinerator that can burn all their “We’re Not Going Back” signs? Because apparently, we are going all the way back.
This gift pairs well with the At-Home Tear Distillery.
Enjoy your shopping, everyone. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my Screaming Shed.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
